Forever Expat

“The harsh reality is that you are forever going to feel like you don’t belong,” says Robin Pascoe in her book Homeward Bound, speaking about the tradeoffs we make for the many benefits of expatriate life.  That blunt statement hit me right between the eyes with the certainty of an undisputed truth.

In the Afterword of the same book, Dr Kirsten Thogersen, a clinical psychologist, agrees, “There is no way you will every again be assimilated with a group of people who have not been travelling like yourself.” 

For the past 14 years I’ve lived as an outsider and been very happy, so why should I expect it be any different now that I’m home?  I believe it’s an acceptable price to pay for all the amazing experiences I’ve had as an expat.  Although it’s tempting to think those who haven’t travelled must be boring, many of the people I met in other countries hadn’t travelled either and I found them fascinating.   I may never fully assimilate, but people at home lead interesting lives just as the locals I met overseas did. 

And yes, I guess I am still trying to convince myself, but reading Robin’s book has certainly helped me a great deal and I strongly recommend it to any expatriate, even those who don’t go home, as eventually everyone settles somewhere and will go through the whole expatriate-withdrawal process.

Since returning to Canada 6 months ago I have started this blog, connected with many involved in the expat world through social media and starting volunteering with Families in Global Transition.  I had thought these were a temporary means to “hang on” to the expat life I’d left behind and perhaps I was being a bit desperate and sad.  But reading Robin’s book has made me realize that’s not the case.  Even though a chapter of my life may have ended, expatriate life will always be a part of me.  I am a forever expat.

Queuing Horizontally

There’s nothing like jumping a queue to get Canadians riled up.  I live in a nation that prides itself on equality and social justice and which is also renowned for its patience and good manners.  Right now everyone is frothing at the mouth about stories in the press about famous and influential people being immunized against H1N1 ahead of everyone else.

I can’t help thinking it’s a good job all those outraged citizens don’t live in Baku, Cairo or Dubai.  One thing that I have learned from living in other countries is that most people in the world don’t queue.  Or as a friend once put it, they do queue but horizontally, ie shoulder to shoulder, side by side at the counter, instead of the orderly line we expect.

I remember the first time I entered my local post office in Cairo.  It was a scene of total chaos, crowds of people at every teller’s window, and in the middle of the room, sitting on benches, a few hapless souls who had given up all hope of ever being served.  Unable to able to read any of the signs, I proffered my airmail envelope to the guard by the door and shrugged my shoulders in the universally understood question “What do I do?”  He waved me to a scrum of people in the corner. 

I bravely shouldered my way into the middle of the group, and soon found myself completely wedged, unable to move in any direction and at 5’3” almost completely invisible.  But after what seemed like an age a knight in shining armour came to my rescue, in the form of a tall, elderly man standing behind me.  With a firm shove he propelled me forward a foot or two, while at the same time shouting over the heads of the crowd to the teller and pointing down at my head.  I don’t know what he said, but the meaning was clear “Hey, serve this poor foreign woman next!” 

A brief pantomime at the teller’s window, involving her punching numbers on a calculator and me proffering the contents of my wallet and I was out of there.  There was only time for a smile and a quick “shukran” to the chivalrous gentleman, now pinned against the counter himself.

I can’t say I have ever mastered the art of queuing horizontally, despite now having had many years of experience.  My British/ Canadian heritage is just too strong.  It’s like haggling, something else I’m completely hopeless at.  But that’s the subject of another post . . .

Choosing your Currency

There’s an article today in the Telegraph about the impact of currency fluctuations on British pensioners living overseas.  The rate of exchange against the Euro has changed by as much as 30% in recent years.  The article also mentions the issue of bank charges on money transfers.

These are both important issue for working expatriates, not just pensioners.  A couple of years ago, while living in Dubai and being paid in local currency, I calculated my husband’s salary had lost 20% against the Canadian dollar in two years.  These are big numbers, so how can you protect yourself?

When negotiating a contract, give considerable thought to the currency you want to be paid in.  Many companies offer a choice, some will even divide your salary and pay portions in two currencies.  Think about what you are going to be doing with the money.  A certain amount you’ll need for local expenses - that is best paid in the local currency, but anything left over you may want to send overseas.  Perhaps you have expenses back home that you need to cover, related to a property you own, or supporting a still-dependent child or relative.  Or maybe you’re saving money to buy a property when you return, for your child’s higher education or your retirement.  It makes most sense to save that money in the currency in which you intend to spend it. 

So get out your pencil and calculator and start working on a budget.  If you can be paid in two currencies, decide how much you want to be paid in each.  If you can only choose one currency, then consider in which one most of your money will be spent and choose that.  If you have no choice at all, then get out your crystal ball and plan if and when you’ll move money into another currency.  At least keep in mind the possibility of currency swings when planning your overall budget.

As for bank fees for transfers, do your homework.  Sending money overseas through online bank transfers is certainly the easiest method, but may be more expensive than you think.  Check not only the fees but the exchange rate you receive.  Local currency exchanges or even specialty exchanges, like the one quoted in this article, may give you a much better deal.

Good News for Expats

Three things I’ve seen on the internet today suggest that expatriate numbers are on the increase.

1. International Tuition Services is reporting increased enrollment at international schools in Hong Kong
2. ISC Research is also reporting increased enrollment at international schools in China, India, Indonesia and The Netherlands
3. ExpatWoman is tweeting about record numbers at their newcomer coffee mornings in Dubai

Is the economy rebounding or are companies that reduced their expatriate staff now finding they cut too deep?  Either way it’s good news for expats.

Novruz Bayram – World Blog Surf Day

Today is World Blog Surf Day, an event organied by Sher over at Czech Off the Beaten Path, where expat bloggers from all over the world,come together on the same day, write on the same theme, and then link their blogs to form a chain of blog posts that will let you “travel” the world from the comfort of your own home!  The theme for 2009 is Holidays and Celebrations.

Soon after we moved to Azerbaijan we were introduced to the holiday of Novruz or Novruz Bayram, a celebration of the Spring Equinox.  Rooted in Zoroastrianism, it dates back 3,000 years and has survived both Arab and Soviet attempts to destroy it.  It’s a holiday that’s celebrated throughout Central Asia, Turkey, Afghanistan and Iran.  You’ll see it spelled Nowrooz, Nowruz, Noruz, or even No Ruz and in Azerbaijan it’s celebrated every March 21^st. 

Our first introduction to it was the repeated ringing of our Baku apartment doorbell one Wednesday evening, quickly followed by the sound of running feet and giggling.  When I opened the door a wool cap was lying on my doormat but the owner had vanished.  I had no idea what was going on and assumed that as newly arrived foreigners we were just being teased by the local kids.  Imagine how bad I felt when I found out we were supposed to fill the cap with candy and that this was one of the traditions leading up to the most popular local holiday.

In fact the four Wednesdays prior to Novruz are all special days, named for the four elements, Water, Fire, Earth and Air, with the last one being the most celebrated.  As well as the “trick or treating” small bonfires are lit in yards and on sidewalks all over the city and people leap over them 7 times in order to purify themselves.  Even small children, much to the horror of western mothers like me.

At home the house is spring cleaned and everyone is kitted out with a new set of clothes.  One of the best things about holidays in my opinion is that they’re usually accompanied by special food.  Novruz is no exception with a heavy focus on sweets and cakes (yum!).  In addition there is a special plov (a rice dish with meat, dried fruits and nuts) and the table is decorated with plates of freshly sprouted wheat grass, candles, coloured eggs, fruits and nuts.

On Novruz morning in Baku everybody heads downtown to Fountain Square where there’s a huge open air concert featuring local singers and traditional dances.  Generally everyone has a few days off work and enjoys spending time with family and friends. 

And now I will introduce you to the next blogger in the chain, Colin over at Exile Lifestyle, who at the age of 24 has decided to step outside of his native North America for the first time and travel the world while also running his virtual own business.  This is going to be a fascinating blog! 

Also why not follow our official World Blog Surf Day Twitter reporter Karen, the Empty Nest Expat, an American expat blogger last seen in Prague. The Wall Street Journal said, “Her blog makes a fun read for anyone looking for reassurance that change can be a wonderful thing–and also for anyone interested in visiting the Czech Republic.”

10 Reasons to Volunteer

I mentioned volunteering in an earlier post on making friends, but it deserves an entry on its own because I think it’s so important, not just for expats but for everyone.

My first volunteer experience was at the age of 14 when my mom asked me and my best friend to run the White Elephant stall at the local church bazaar. My mom was always volunteering, maybe it’s genetic, because I’ve been putting my hand up for stuff ever since - I don’t seem to be able to stop myself.

Since then I’ve edited a newsletter, balanced the budget for a daycare centre, tutored English, edited a book, run a retail store, organized charity runs and attended more meetings than I care to remember. Right now I’m volunteering as the social media maven for Families in Global Transition and learning all about this new marketing medium in the process.

Why? Certainly not because I’m a better person than most.

1. It’s been fun. 
2. I’ve met a huge variety of people I never would have done otherwise.
3. It’s a good way to make friends.
4. I’ve learned a lot.
5. It’s really hard to get fired.
6. You get thanked all the time.
7. I’ve been given a chance to do jobs that no one would have ever given me if they’d been paying me.
8. It’s really improved my resume.
9. I’ve gained a lot of personal confidence.
10. Oh, and I almost forgot, it’s the right thing to do!

Living Apart – Making it Work

Living apart has always been part of the expat experience.  It may be  just during the transition process, when one spouse stays behind to pack up or see out the school year, or because the assignment is short, in a location not suitable for families or something ties one partner to the home location , for example a job or a sick relative.  These days short term assignments are on the rise, largely due to a desire to cut costs, but also because companies have recognized that uprooting families can cause a lot of problems.  But living apart also creates problems.

I’ve had a fair bit of personal experience.  At one time my husband worked as a consultant and would be away on overseas trips of anywhere from 2 to 6 weeks at a stretch.  He spent a year working in a neighbouring country, flying home only for weekends.  He spent another year working 7 time zones away, coming home for a short vacation every 3 months.  We hated being apart, but at the time it was the best decision for the family. 

So what tips can I give on how to survive, and even thrive?

1.  Set an end date, or at least a review date.  We didn’t do this when he was consulting and I realize now it was a mistake, we just let it creep up on us.  But as time went on and the trips became longer and longer, I knew that for us it couldn’t go on indefinitely.  For the subsequent assignments we mutually agreed upfront that they would last no longer than a year.  When things got tough, knowing it would end eventually was a big comfort.

2.  Keep in regular contact.  These days with email, VoIP, text messaging, etc there’s no excuse for not being in touch on a daily basis.  It needn’t be for long, but we found it’s the little details of life that keep the family connections strong.  It snowed today, you’ll never guess who phoned this afternoon, Billy got an A in science.   Make sure your children are involved as well.

3.  Keep busy.  Sitting at home alone only leads to depression.  Going to events where you’d normally go as a couple is hard, but make the effort.  If you don’t have activities you do on your own already, take something up, preferably something that involves being with people, like a class, a health club or volunteer work.  This applies not just to the spouse at home, but also to the one who’s away.  For guys it’s easy to fall into the trap of heading off to a bar after work, but that’s really not a good option. If it’s just not practical, then at least find something to do that’s not work related.  My husband used one of his years away to build a hobby related website.

4.  Eat.  It’s easy to opt for fast food if you’re on your own.  If you don’t want to cook in the evenings, then try and eat a healthy lunch out and have some light, easy to prepare snacks at home – soup, fruit and the fixings for sandwiches.

5.  Exercise.  If you’re depressed, lonely or bored, resist the temptation to just flop on the couch.  A brisk walk is not only good exercise it’s also a huge mood booster.  Even if the weather looks gloomy, I find it always seems brighter once I step outdoors.  Walk to work if you can, walk to the store, walk the dog. 

6.  Get help.  Particularly the spouse left at home can feel overwhelmed by the responsibility, particularly if there are children, and this often leads to resentment.  Why isn’t he/she here to help?  Do try and budget for some assistance, whether it’s cleaning, babysitting or a gardening service. 

I’ve met many expats who have made living apart a way of life.  For a handful it seems to have worked, but I must say I’ve also seen a lot of divorces.  For most people I think it puts a serious strain on a relationship.  Although making a life for yourself while you’re separated from your partner is important, in time there’s a strong risk you’ll start to drift apart.  Even regular visits home bring their own stresses.  We always found there was a settling-in period of a few days when my husband felt like an intruder in his own home.  And again we’d find there’d be a distance between us as the time approached for his next departure, perhaps a defence mechanism against the painful goodbye, and we’d end up snapping at each other.  So I’ll end by repeating my first piece of advice – set an end date, or at least a review date.  Is a job really more important that your relationship?

Expats and Climate Change

Today is Blog Action Day.   This is an annual event held every October 15 that unites the world’s bloggers in posting about the same issue on the same day with the aim of sparking discussion around an issue of global importance.  This year’s topic is Climate Change.

I must admit that a lot of the time I don’t think my life as an expat has been very climate friendly.  Over the last 13 years I’ve spent far more time on an airplane than I ever did before and most of the time I’ve lived in places where there was no organized recycling.  However we have at least always managed to be one car household, mainly because the standard of driving in the places we’ve lived is bad enough to keep anyone sane off the roads!  I’ve achieved this by always opting for accomodation within walking distance of most of the places I need to visit on a regular basis. 

Watching how others lead their lives has sometimes been instructive.  When we first arrived in Azerbaijan I shopped for my fruit and vegetables at the local bazaar.  No plastic bags were on offer, so like everyone else I purchased a sturdy, reusable straw bag from the lady who sold them near the entrance and learned to shop in the correct order.  Potatoes and onions first, at the bottom of the bag, green vegetables and then soft fruit on top, so it didn’t get crushed. 

In Egypt I remember witnessing two donkey cart men outside our apartment building having a fist fight over someone’s cardboard packing boxes.  Recycling was obviously taking place, but not in public view and presumably they fetched good money somewhere.

The UAE has just started a recyling program and stores are trying to curb the use of plastic bags.  Not before time, as local camels have started to die in alarming numbers due to ingesting plastic which blows around their grazing areas just outside the cities.

Now back in Canada I see that traffic and air pollution have increased while I’ve been away.  Despite a very good public transit network, people still love their cars.  Recycling has reached an artform here, with huge bins for everything from styrofoam trays to compost issued to every household.  I’m sure it makes some feel virtuous, but for me the huge fridge-sized bin I fill every two weeks with recyclable materials just emphasizes how much stuff I buy only to throw away.  On the postive side though, we’re still a one car family, for now at any rate.

There’s a growing concern around the world about pollution, environmental issues, climate change, call it what you will.  Those in the developing world are just starting to adopt the bad habits we in the west are now trying to give up.  On this, Blog Action Day, I urge you to tread lightly on the earth and set a good example to your neighbours.

Thankful for Friends

Today is Thanksgiving in Canada and it’s the first time in 5 years that I’ve been here to celebrate it.  This has been a rollercoaster year for my family.  Repatriation has and still does bring its highs and lows. 

But today I’m focusing on the positive and thinking of what I’m truly thankful for.  One of the best things about our travels has been the opportunity to meet so many different people; people of different nationalities, different religions, and from all walks of life.  They’ve opened my eyes, broadened my mind and shown me generosity and kindness beyond measure.

The students who used to come to my apartment in Baku to practise their English are now all working, some are married and all have realized their ambition to travel.  Last year I was able to return to visit and they were so generous with their hospitality.  I’ve lost touch with the sweet young Egyptian woman who taught me Arabic in Cairo, and also the lovely Korean lady who invited a small group of us to her home to enjoy traditional home cooking.  But I’m doing a better job of keeping in touch with my most recent friends from Dubai, most of whom are fellow expats, some also now repatriating or moving on to new adventures.

The internet, still in its infancy when we first headed overseas, has probably changed the lives of expats as much as any other group.  Email, Facebook, online chat and forums are now essential tools we can’t imagine living without.  My computer is my window on the world.

And so as I sit down to my turkey dinner later today, I will raise a toast to absent friends.  Maybe I’ll see them again, maybe I won’t, but they continue to enrich my life and I am thankful for them.

Say “Yes” to Everything

One of the most daunting things facing an expat is arriving in a new country and not knowing a soul. At first you’re busy settling in, finding a place to live, opening bank accounts, buying a car – but at some point you’ll find yourself sitting on the couch and wondering “now what?” Or maybe your child’s school asks you for an emergency contact and you suddenly realize your sister or your best friend is no longer around the corner.

The best advice given to me by a fellow expat was “say yes to everything.” Coffee with the mums at the school gate? Tennis after work? A neighbourhood party? You may cringe at coffee mornings, hate exercise or freeze at the thought of a room full of strangers, but push yourself to go anyway. The activity isn’t important, but the opportunity to meet people is essential and, most importantly, you may not get invited a second time.

As a non-working trailing spouse I’ve been to countless coffee mornings, bridge parties, and craft groups, despite the fact that caffeine gives me hot flashes, I’m a lousy bridge player and I’m barely capable of sewing on a button. But I quickly discovered that the real purpose behind all these events is to get people together and that like me, other expats, were friendly and keen to make friends as well.

It’s unlikely that anyone will come knocking on your door, so it’s up to you to make the first move. Do your research, check out local websites, magazines and notice boards. Maybe you need to join a club or sign up for a class. Take up a new sport or volunteer for a good cause. One of the joys of moving to a new country, in fact one of the things you owe yourself, is the chance to try something you’ve never done before. So take your courage in both hands and get out there!